Life and Liberty through potato roasting
Questions. We all have them. I have them too. First of all, potatoes…how do we roast them? Should they be roasted? What are the cultural and political implications of a failed roasting? The American public demands an answer.
Good afternoon Mr. Lay,
I thank you for writing in today. It is not very often I am presented with a question that has such importance on our day to day life, liberty and happiness as Americans.
I think it is first and foremost important to define roast. Roast by definition means to cook something uncovered by means of an oven. Roasting potatoes is quite acceptable. I find the best way to do this is to put them in a baking dish and coat with a think layer of ranch dressing, a bit of butter. This should keep the potatoes nice and moist, however if you find your potatoes looking a bit like the tater tot left in the oven too long it will be best to throw a piece of aluminum foil atop them.
As far as the cultural implications, I find in America failing to roast a potato properly is punishable (if found guilty by a group of your peers) by public humiliation.In 1951 Ben of Pawtucket, Rhode Island was found guilty of failed roasting and was dressed as a giant potato put on a stand and people would come and put plastic eyes of various sizes, some with eyelashes, some without, big noses, ears, buck teeth mouth, pucker lips, and short arms. It was as if he was a potato snowman. Inspired by his ability to make the children laugh, in 1952, Hasbro released Mr. Potato head.
In 1956 the case of Nick Smith he found guilty of improper roasting and was made to dress as a potato and wear antennas on his head for 7 days, he was given the nickname “Spud Nick.” Inspired by his bravery to perform his daily activities despite public ridicule and the unfortunate side effect of picking up awful 80′s music sung in German due to the antennas, NASA a year later named the first Russian artificial satellite Sputnik as a tribute.
There have been various cases tried sense then, but none have come back with a guilty verdict as those previously found guilty have been imortalized by their improper roasting.
I hope this information helps. Good luck in your roasting.
Sincerly,
W
The Roaster
